The 200 Day Old Journal
by syrenia123destiny
Summary: Robin wrote a journal filled with entries when he was just a young boy. Reading about the past, Robin is now in the prime of his youth, remembering the painful memories that had entered in said journal. 200 days away from her. Robin doesnt mind the painful memories anymore, becuase now he has the chance to make new, happier ones with the people he loves. Chalant RobinxZatanna


**Robins POV**

_A hundred days have made me older,_

_since the last time Ive seen your pretty face_

**Day 100**

It had been a hundred days in counting, that I had been away. I count the days, minutes, its the only thing that seems to keep me in the present. The watch on my wrist the only way to seperate the blurry lines of time. Days had turned to weeks, weeks blurring into months. Hopefully it wouldnt turn into years. Bruce thinks it would be a good thing to write this journal, he thinks this would be theurapetic. I almost scoffed at his idea, but I took it anyway.

_A hundred lies have made me colder,_

_and I dont think I can look at this the same_

**Day 103**

If Bruce had told me the extended time of the mission, I would never have accepted it in the first place. Maybe thats what he had previously feared. I slammed the door, a crack appearing in the oak wood. I was so angry today. I smashed everything in my room, hurtling everything towards the nearest wall. The room was covered in shards of glass. Bruce didnt say anything when he saw me crying today. I moved rooms to avoid the mess.

_And all the miles seperate, dissapear now_

_when Im dreaming of your face._

**Day 109**

In the small reprieve nightime gives me, I cant help but dream of her. If the nightmares are the only way I can see her face, then so be it. I dont feel like writing, so Im just leaving this as it is.

_Im here without you baby,_

_but your still here in my lonely mind._

**Day 110**

I was so dejected and lost, I was like a ghost wandering the lonely corridors of the manor. I couldnt help it. I couldnt help myself but think about her. The memories numb the pain. My resolve was starting to crack.

_I think about you baby, and I dream about you all the time._

**Day 117**

I couldnt stop thinking about her, it was driving me insane. What kind of grave had I dug myself into? The dreams are like a drug, I constantly crave them. Im driving my own sanity away, I cant help it.

_And tonight girl, its only you and me._

**Day 120**

The dreams are becoming more and more vivid, its like a stab as the cold pain washes over me as I wake up in the morning. The dreams feel so real.

I was driving myself insane. It acually caused me physical pain to be away from her. Bruce noticed my condition, my health was deterioting. I hated this.

**Day 122**

I dont feel like writing.

_Im here without you baby, but your still with me in my dreams._

**Day 127**

I saw her picture, a frame of her in the living room. I started crying without meaning too. I ran to my room as fast as I could, locking the door.

I screamed.

**Day 128**

I destroyed my room again. Thats twice now.

**Day 129**

Bruce reprimanded me for destroying another room. I barely listened to what he was saying. My mind was somewhwere else.

**Day 131**

I dont feel like writing today.

_The miles just keep rolling, as the people leave their way to say hello_

**Day 135**

Bruce scolded me again, he found out Im not writing in my journal frequently. I frankly dont care.

**Day 136**

The mission was a disaster. My arm is bleeding, I need to bandage this.

**Day 142**

I dont know why we cant just go home alreay, we've been out here for months, and most of the time, we dont do anything anyway. Im already sick of this, I despise the silence. The silence is too loud, ironic isnt it?

_I heard this life was overated, but I hope it gets better as we go..._

**Day 145**

I had a nightmare. It was about her. I dont mind. I got to see her atleast.

**Day 146**

What was the point of writing this down again? I already destroyed two rooms, this was supposed to calm me down, its not working.

**Day 153**

I almost threw this thing into the fire. Almost. The pages are slightly charred though.

**Day 167**

Its been a long while since Ive written. I didnt want to. I dreamed about her again, its really depressing when you wake up.

**Day 169**

I realized something. I love her. Ive been dreaming about her again, I sleep more often now.

_And everything I know, and anywhere I go_

**Day 174**

I bought a ring today. A small teardrop diamond with a silver band. I showed Bruce, he approved.

**Day 182**

He told me one more month. One more month and we go home. I have to keep myself sane until thn. Its such a relief.

**Day 194**

I cant stop dreaming about her, thats a relief. Its the only way I can see her. I dont want that to stop. Its the only thing keeping me from destrying something else.

**Day 196**

I got cut in a mission today, its bleeding again. My head hurts.

**Day 199**

Were home. I saw her today. This time it was real, it wasnt a dream. I told her I loved her.

**Day 200**

I proposed. She said yes.

* * *

I smiled solemnly to myself, remembering all those painful memories. I watched the golden red flames dance and heard their crackle as the smoke created intricate shapes. I felt the old leather bound book in my hands as I sat in the nearest armchair. Sitting in this old living room, I cant help but remember all those memories, but at the same time, they feel far away now. I chuckled to myself. I remembered I destroyed two rooms in this very same manor, almost three but Bruce stopped me. I still dream about her, but they're happy dreams now and we share them together. I lean back into the comfort of the old chair, letting out a weary sigh.

"Richard?" she called out.

I stood and turned around. Greeting my wife with a smile. I walked to her, placing a tender kiss to her forehead.

"Hello love, how was your day?" I said softly.

Her answering smile lit up her whole face and I couldnt help but smile with her. She kissed me on the lips, short but sweet. Wrapping my arms around her petite waist, she placed her head on my chest. I kissed her hair again, relishing in her warmth, in her mere presence. The ring on her finger glistened under the fire light.

"We really enjoyed it, you should come next time."

I smiled again, laughing a bit to myself. "Bet on it"

"Daddy! Daddy!"

We released each other, laughing.

A little three year old girl in a white dress came running to me, white daisy flowers forming a crown on top of her head. Her deep blue eyes showed her excitement, a large grin on her pretty face. Black hair cascaded down her shoulders, shining and glowing in the light. She looked so beautiful, just like her mother.

"Hello baby girl" I said as I picked her up and held her to my chest.

She laughed, her dimples showing as she smiled even more.

"Did you enjoy your day in the park with mommy?" I said as I brushed away some of her black bangs away from her face.

She nodded eagerly, barely able to contain her happiness. "Yeah, the park was soooo big and theyre were flowers everywhere." She gestured to her crown of daises. "Mommy made this for me, she said I was a princess."

I chuckled." Of course you are." I kissed her head. "Its time for dinner little sparrow." she giggled and smiled at the nickname, Zatanna had come with it since I was Robin when I first met her. Wally thought it was funny and oddly ironic I nicknamed my child another bird. I shrugged, it runs in the family I answered him.

Both of the most important girls in my life head on to the kitchen, already starting dinner. I went back into the living room and crouched in front of the fire. I threw the old leather bound journal into the fire. I smiled sadly as it burned.

"Richard?" somebody called. I turned around. "Could you help me?"

"Im coming Zatanna" I called back.

As I exited the room, I cast one final glance at the fire. I didnt need the old memories. The ones filled with pain and hurt. I have the chance to make new, happy ones. Ill be damned if I didnt tke that chance.

I left the room to go join my family for dinner.


End file.
